honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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