just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this hospital has no fireball
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
