I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am full of burrito and curiosity
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
