I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
