You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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