if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
