shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just pee around me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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