I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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