Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
