Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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