Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
