Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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