Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
