I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
