I wish you could order shots online.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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