Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
