My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
