I think my vagina is haunted
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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