i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
