i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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