Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
