So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
