idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
