is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
