Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
