its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
