Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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