I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How does one acquire holy water?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
