so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
