Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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