He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
