I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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