i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
