I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
