Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
