I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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