she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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