By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
