dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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