He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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