My hand turned me down
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
