how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
