I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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