There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
