Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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