I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
