I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
