Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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