I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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