Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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