He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
