Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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