i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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