Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
