I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
