Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
