FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
