I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
