Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
