Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I pour the whiskey from now on
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
