be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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