I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
