you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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