I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
