But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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